Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
