But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize