it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
