my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
