part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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