I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
