so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
