She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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