i think my tv is drunk
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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