my room smells like sperm. sweet.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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