I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
