he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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