You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
