I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
