I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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