I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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