So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
she looked like the before picture.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
