i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Welp...herpes.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
