This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
