I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
