she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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