I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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