He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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