Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
