At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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