I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
