the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
NoShamevember. You game?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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