a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
