I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
