he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
