Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
