If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
the condom got lost in my hair
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
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