i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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