so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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