me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
