Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
