I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
