It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
