I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
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