At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
