Joe is yelling at the trees again.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
