Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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