two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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