I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
