I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
