if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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