Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
