Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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