I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
