farters have to be the big spoon...
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You can't just leave with hair like that
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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