She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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