I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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