We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
