You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
