i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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