they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
