And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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