i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
can u get pink eye on your cock?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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