After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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