Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
