so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
