I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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