I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
