Ambien. No doubt about it.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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