I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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