Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
