Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
