I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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