It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
