FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
vagina is talking i cant
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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