HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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