Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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