I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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