you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Actions speak louder than pants.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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